Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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