Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
