last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
