I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
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Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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