I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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