69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
