Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
