he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
