I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
