Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
