he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
