This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
