i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
