By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is the high leading the old right now
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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