Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
