u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have fence marks all over my body
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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