Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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