Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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