O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
