I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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