u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
