didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
