Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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