I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
