So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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