i just had sex bonerless
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
