Just mADE A PArabola og urine
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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