there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there was a trapeze. enough said
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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