Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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