I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
