no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
