I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
