Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
