What a fucking waste of an outfit
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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