Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
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Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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