I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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