We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
