remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
