she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
