At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
