I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
