haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
