Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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