You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
