I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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