took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
