That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
