omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Quick, to the slutcave!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
