I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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