Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
