There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
