idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
