You're my little dorito
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
