You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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