i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
