I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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