Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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