def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
