Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
