He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
the liver wants what the liver wants
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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