Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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