While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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