That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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