She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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