She's JV to your varsity
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
