I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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