So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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