also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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