She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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