And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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