i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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