well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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