my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
