It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
