Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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